my life

you will never believe it!
well today i finely put money down on a care it's a dodge Buick lasable believe it or not I’m a FORD person but i only had so much money! it's a blue one it's sweet for my first car it was only 13,000 to get it on the road I’m still paying on it and i don't have my license yet which I’m going to go get soon hopefully! Hopefully i might win the lottery hopefully dad finally made me do one of those sheets, my birth and everything is Wednesday the day after tomorrow! I’ll be 19 can you believe it. I’m doing so good in my life and i hope some day I’ll have that ranch i wanted so long ago, with horses, and everything, I’m debating on living near the beach or the mountains still, I’m not really sure when I’m going to get married to my boyfriend! I'm not sure about much any more! i'm outtie love yeah
Amanda

Current Mood: New Car
Current Music: all kinds

my life
We all have wisdom of some kind most people think there stupid but everyone has there own way of showing there wisdom, many people don't realize it but I am speical i am dyslesic, i have a speical ability, i can see things, i can also help others, i want to help as many people as i can, for nothing in return, But there's a missing peice to my life, it's some one to share it with. I have so much knowlege to share, somtimes i suprise myself on how smart i have gotten in such a short time i'm turning 19 in 5 days, what do i have to show it? not a dame thing is what i thought, but that's a lie, i have a heart that shows compassion, and love, i have knowlege no one could begain to understand no one knows the true me because i hide myyself well, i don't let others get to close because the world trys to take advatage of it, so i let a few people in and all the people in my life that i talk to make me happy, make me ME! I am human i do bleed believe me. what's to know in life just know that love and peace is out there some where. true happyness to me is like a treasure there's not a lot of it out there so if u find it keep it and hold it close! just remember that ok! well i'm outtie love yall!
Amanda

Current Mood: For Happyness
Current Music: Everything by Alanis Morissette

Graduation
Graduation could you believe.
Yes today is 06-10-06 the day I have waited more then most of my life for! It was only an hour long with my class of 06 to think that all I have waited for is a little peace of paper and a black that most of my senior class didn’t get only the people with honors got it! I have so much in my mind and so much to dill with. The one thing that I thought couldn’t get over fast enough I look here at this day and I’m just so surprised that’s all this is. No I didn’t cry nor did I feel glee till today and a little last night it finely hit me I’m graduating oh my god Amanda Lynn Archer graduating now that’s really something all my life I have been told that I couldn’t do ever since elementary school it was because I’m dyslexic in meaning I see things differently then others. I wear blue glasses and I can see again!! Image a place were there is nothing there for you expect for what’s to be known they thought they new I wouldn’t be the one to walk across the stage! There’s so much I want to say but the words wouldn’t mean anything! There’s a feeling of YAY I did something not many people do! I kept at my grades and got all A’s and I’m a good person and I’m doing so well! I don’t express my feeling all that well but I’m doing the best I can possibly do right now! Well to the class of 06 may gods and goddess be on your side to think with love and light!! Amen! Well good bye my loves I have to go now! Do you believe it my father Ackley cried WOW that’s more then I can say! Well bye
Love
Amanda

Current Mood: because i graduated
Current Music: Everything by Alanis Morissette

wazz up
lets see, lets start with me. i'm changing so much. i use to be so shy like not go out in public and stuff well that changed. i go clubbing all the time, i even get up on the stage and dance. i'm an open bi sexual, i'm a republican, not scared to show off my body either. which i use to be very shy about my body but somone told me once that if your body wasn't met to be showen off then they wouldn't want me too. but almost everyone i have met told me they liked my body! no i'm not having sex with them. i'm keeping my ground on that one! i'm waiting till marriage still! i'm a senior YAY in high school! can't wait to graduwate! june 10th can't get here fast enoff! that's for sure! yahoo's being a butt head like normal. Oh yeah did i tell u that i have a web cam now! HEHE. god only knows what i have done! lol. todays just one of those days that everyone wants to see me! 32 people is watching my cam right now. i go into the paganism rooms again. last night i herd a great friend of mine died from a double heart attack! may Aradia bless Karnayna James Lilly!!! he was the nicest person in the world and the greatest person for helping others! i just hope Aradia is treating him well, which we all know she favors him so i'm sure he's great! we miss you karna and i'm sure you miss us. we all love you and forever will! you were a brother i never had, a great friend and worthy of knowing! to his wife lilly we love her too and i hope some how i can get back in touch with her. because she is a sister worth knowing and a true doll! may Aradia bless her to and keep her healthy and strong diring this great whole! well my loves with that said! i'm going to go light a candle and do some stuff for that! love you guys blessed be!

Amanda Lynn Archer

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: my humps by black eye peas

hello
lets see whats the last time alot of things has happen since then on 01-26-06 joshua david henshall broke up with me. Listen to nickel back saving me. So far it's a good song! today i got my hair cut, I'm dating Robert i have been for a while. Michelle Derr Is such a whore and since she can't even back up her own ass to say shit she hast to get a loser to say it for her some dude named mike. Can't u say loser speicaly since they said that they loved her yet she's trying to get with Robert, and tom, and her mexican clang she just can't make up her mind!! Me and Robert are ok i guess i have been avoded from talking to anyone speically around v-day i seem to get very mad around that time or a person you don't want to be around!! Listeen to fall out boys with sugar. Great song. so what's there to talk about nothing really i have been chaning and i'm giving up on marriage i don't want to get married till i'm atlest 25.i'm listen to it;s my baby by ashonta.now pussy cat dolls with don't cha, I guess i can say stuff like that and be that way. I went clubbing with Jesse Shaw on Friday agenst dads will of course but i'm 18 i should be able to do what ever the fuck i want the sad thing was all the gays liked me more then jesse they gave me there Phone numbers before jesse and some wouldn't give it to him at all they said that my hair was apart of my attuted and that was hot. They said that i can work it. I said i know and i love doing it too!!!" stained, right here" love that song. My friend Charles Hansford Russell is writing a book and i'm in it so that's pretty sweet it's called sad traile to earth, there will be other books to and i'm in all of them. so that's going to be really kl!! Oh i'm going to the military ball this weekend it's going to be at sea trails it's so beautful i can't wait to get that night over and go clubbing after words i'm taking jesse this year like i do all the time!! Aww My poor Robert was sick with standing amona again i'm going to hurt him if he don't get well soon wait he might like that!! Listen to Run it by chris brown. Well my peeps Love YAll
Amanda outtie

Current Mood: Feelin kinda good
Current Music: all

What Am I Thinking?
Well Yall know it, It's about love yet i'm in a realtionship with this guy named Joshua David Henshall, I love him more then i have ever loved anyone were really close to each other, He lives in flordia tho, I meat him on the internet on yahoo, NO not through Robert Harper My brother, Speaking about him, Christals a bitch get use to it, lol, He even said it. They broke up yet again. Me and Joshua have been dating for i came up with on 07-2-05 magik,truth,life,love,honesty, friendship, honor what else could you want? Well that was then i Got all that through Joshua, I really love him, But i'm not sure if he does me. He's comming down here Jan 20th Hopefully for about a week! Then going back up for 2 weeks then staying down here with me!! I think he's having second thoughts but who knows! Atlest i'm still a virgin, I'm getting into kinky stuff now, It's quite fun, I use to do kinky stuff with Joel, but i have amiered my own kinkyness. Michael needed a break from me so he's getting on the netless oh well he will get use to the fact that I care about everyone! Well i have to go and go for a interveiw for a collage scalorship, Wish me good luck love yeah!!
Love always
Amanda

Current Mood: About this song
Current Music: "banna pancake, by jack johnson"

my life since forever ago!
Well let's see It's been awhile!! i have been dating this guy named Joshua David Henshall!! since 10-15-05 He's sweet, and i love him to death!! He might be the one but who knows!! i keep my options open!! But so far he seems to be the best thing since i was Born! he's majorly sweet, he cares, and is always there for me!! well almost! I'm not letting him all the way in i let him a second at a time!! which means i tell him things a little at a time!! I tell him everything and he tells me everything! He's sweet, loving, smart, funny, loves who i am, and loves everything about me, He's the most cutest, sexyest person in the world doesn't want to do anything i don't want to! we have our disagreements but who doesn't! He's worth alot to me!! Mikes still talking to me but barly were just friends and i don't think we will ever date again! He's a good friend and nothing more!! I miss joshie!! He hates when i call him joshua because his mother called him that when he was younger! his mom, and father are dead! his father died in 2001 he didn't like him he was a drinker! he loved his mom, i think he said his mom died of cancer not really sure on that one she died this year!! That's the # one resen why i'm never going to start smoking again!! Not after i lost, Dereck, Grandpa, and Josh lost his mom!! Theres hundres of people dieing from that stuff and i will make doubel shore that i will never smoke!! believe me i don't need anymore of my life takes away!! well lets see i'm a Senior i got 3 A's and a B in english!! I wanted an A so i can get more money but no biggie i have an sester to brang it up!! I'm working hard to keep good grades! but who knows i love typing on the computer it's my thing!! Oh yeah Mikes brother Matt called me the other day saying that him and his dad finly made up and actly had a good cry! it was so sweet! i'm proud of Matt actly getting that done!! I hope mike gets what he wants out of life!! i'm still his friend! But nothing more!! *hugs and kisses all my friends* Yeah Robert Harper and i still talk him and christal are having so many probelms he called me crying about it last night!! yeah i know Robert lies about everything!! oh and last night i meat somone names Eric Archer, I think i might be related but not really sure about that yet!! so what am i to talk about now!! hmm lets talk about Lauren, She's been getting on my nerous i'm sick and have a really bad cold and she com,es up to me and just smacks the living hell out of me for no dame resen!!! for real that reallly pissed me the fuck off!!! Yeah i'm getting use to Josh, him and i just might be the one i'm not going to put everything on it but i really think he is!! I miss him bunches already!! i'm having one of those days where u stay up till 3 am on the net, then wake up at 9am, and then talks to joshua and then he leaves for work and then i go back to sleep around 1:00pm and wakes back up at 4:44pm Then i went to southport mall! which is wal-mart! and got me some dame chicken noodel soup i have been sick for a week, and dad didn't even care enoff to get me some dame chicken noddel soup and some crackers! I have been throwing up alot more!! No worries yall stil a virgin till after marriage for real!! Josh is not a virgin but he is waiting for the right person he said i am her and that he can't wait till we get married july 17th, 2006 well see if it happens! If not more cake for me lol!!! i'm not sure how dads going to handel this but i have already told him he thought i was kidding i might not be!! HEHEHE he will find out when we get married! where getting married down by my pound where the flowers are all pretty! and my dress it's so beautful!! Were going to pick out rings in january when he comes down here on the 20th, to stay!! He's moving down here for me!! :D he's the only guy that will actly come to actly live with me and he's the best one too!! so i'm happy with it!! well i'll talk to yalls later! oh and he's moving from Flordia!! no Robert Harper didn't know him i interduced them! Robert lives in tampa, he lives in orlando!! total diff!! well love yall!! oh theres a picture of my wedding dress if you wanted to check it out! and if u want to but it it has the sight on there!!

Current Mood: I hate being sick!!
Current Music: i'm listen to I love you, by sarah mclene!

hey yall
Hey yall i promised to write more well i'm writing!! i'm about to go out with a friend of mine named Keith Campbell! He's sweet at times but talks about sex to much!! I'm not into sex everyone that knows me knows that! i'm more of a cuddler, and a hug person!! I don't ever talk about sex and if i do it's with a girlfriend, or with my friends but never with a boyfriend!! :D so What to talk about hmm! lets see i'm lisen to 101.3 like normal!! Keith's pissed at me now! oh well he will get over it! i have better things to do then lisen to him wine about sex all the time he just told me that maybe he's not what i'm looking for i could of told him that! but i'm going to see and keep with our date! but who knows!! i'm tired of waiting on everyone who wants to wait forever! who wants to wait on mr. right when i can just go find him!! Theres so many people that like me that way but i don't want them! i guess i should be lucky! but theres one i want that i have dated before! that's all i want!! sigh who knows!! well i'll talk to yall later love yall lots!

Amanda

Current Mood: what's with guys!

hey yall
sorry that it's been forever i guess it's because i lost the net for 2 monts and then didn't get on till a few weeks ago! Robert harper is fine, he called me today! his butts supost to call me back too!! 11 day ago if me and Anthony would of stayed together we would of got married!! september 10th!! yeah i miss Dereck a lot i think about him often i light a candle for him somtimes!! i still think about him alot! and most of the time i'm crazy!! you guys should look up a song called "The Dollar- jamey johnson" check it out it's so cute!!! i'm going into country like i use to!! Roberts comming to see me when he gradutes him and jake are comming he already is making planes for it!! i couldn't go up to Roberts because his father didn't want me there because of the hurricane that they just came over!! i told Robert his ass better come see me he promised!! oh and i'm single if anyone cares!! which really it's more fun!! ok for yall i hide my sexualdy pretty well i bet u all didn't know i'm bi sexual!! i bet Amber did!! she knows me quite well even if her butt doesn't talk to me as much!! still a virgin and going to be till i get married Roberts making passes at me again trying to make me like him i'm like no way in hell he has a better chance with a dog, then he does with me!! he's like i have a big dick i'm like so i care because i'm not into sex, i'm into cuddling, kissing and being sweet that's who i am!! oh and 2 weekends ago i finely went clubing with jesse shaw, we went to a gay bar i meat a guy name chaz there he's gay and really sweet he told me he would turn bi sexual for me lol!! then the second night a mexican asked me to marrie him!! there were straight, bi's, gays, and lesbians there!! i like most of the gay gyus and i danced with some of them!! Jesse's friends loved me! They were like u need to brang her all the time you go! jesse got jealous and was like well maybe i will! that's because everyone loved me more then they loved him! even a lesbian, and a crossdresser loved me!! it was great!! i was having tunes of fun!! lets see whats new in my life!! i'm singel staying that way for a while i'm bi sexual but who didn't know that!! been that way my whole life! most people didn't know it because i hide it well but who gives a freck i'm me!!! i love women and men!! i love everyone it's better with one not both at the same time believe me!! been more depressed resently!! Robert one of my friends have been more attrative to me!! he flirts like crazy!! oh and this one girl in school omg she's so hot the one bad thing she has a boyfriend but we flirt all the time together i think she's bi maybe!! hopfully for me!! her names linsay she's beautilful i would please her for sure!! mostly cuddling and kissing is my thing!! almost for to tell you if me and Anthony would of stayed together we would of been married for 11 days by now our wedding date was set for spetember 10th :( it didn't work out oh well i'm better off with all my guys and girls more fun for everyone besides being tied down all the time!!! Theres plenty of hot girls and guys at my school south brunswich high school!! a bunch a honor kids not messin with them!! they might do somthing smart i hate kids smarter then me and picks on me about it!! there luck i don't hurt people i'm a peaceful person!! well i'll talk with yall lovely people later love yeah hugs & kisses to all

mistress Amanda

ps. that's my new nickname *he he*

Current Mood: just one of those days!!
Current Music: where from the country - clint black

just a nother day
Just a nother day of break break! i should of knowen that!! Anthony james Treat was a wasite of my time!! having the worse day of my life! todays the last day of school thank goodnees! i will miss all my friens when i move, i'm moving to probelly florida or, ohio not sure yet going to go see Robert on july 11th through the 17th!!!! some of those days the is!! Robert picture is kl, he's growen up so much he's not my little brother anymore!! his girl friend denane!! well cya later
love always
Amanda

wazz up peeps!
it's been forever, been buzy not sure if i told you that Anthony on the 12th of this month broke up with me, i could really care less! but who cares i don't i stoped caring along time ago! Robert called me this morring and woke me up like he does all the dame time, it's starting to urk me! so what's new well lets see i'm getting a job and i'm going to go to ohio in August to go see a friend! his names cary hackler, he's kl when he wants to be! he's sending the plane ticket! and Anthony told me we broke up so he can have some time i told him take all the time he needs! i meat alot more people since last time! Robert told me he stoped talking to Amber and michelle i already know that's a lie he just dated michelle just resently he's such a dame lier grrrrr he totally pisses me off! like normal that boy so get's on my nerouves but who doesn't i have been more hard core about who my friends are i have less friends but wh needs friends who lie!!! not me a good friend told me that and i finly lisened! i'm a good liser, and a better give advise person, i'm changing so dame much now!! i'm not even thinking of marrige anymore, that's the last thing on my mind i'm going in to the army when i get out of high school probelly to go be a my army thing will be marine biologist and computer engineer! yeppers, what more can i say, talking to a friend name micheal, he thinks he worthless and i'm telling him he's not i'm such a good friend lol, why am i?? i don't really know! if u know the answer let me know! so..... hmmm... lets see, i meat somone speical a little speical friend, that's alot like me his name is george!! oh i meat somone from msn he called me yesterday his name is kyle he's really hot! i know alot of people i'm tellin u i go on chat almost everyday and meet new people more people like me is great as in pagans! i lisen to alot more music now, and i have a attude fit for a princess, my hairs more curly, and it's longer too! it's down to my boobies now!! it's so pretty and it's all natural, curly, red,brown,blond. i didn't touch it it's all natural! what can i say just don't know! charles called me yesterday he hasn't called me in like forever he's like i miss u i'm like so what! i'm missed by alot! i'm losing weight too, i'm only 210 now i was 237, i'm doing great and i'm working out i went swimming yesterday and on wensday it was so fucking cold!!! but it fauilt good to be free back in my water i'm going to try to get dad to take me to the beach today! but yeah well u know! well anyways i think i wrote enoff for now write more later catch yall on the flip side!! peace out!

Current Mood: as i can be!
Current Music: greenday- i walk alone

it's been awhile
you know when you think mr. right is mr. right then u meat somone that u love more but can't break up with the other one. well thats what happen to me with Anthony james Treat, and marty lee beason jr, well i choiced Anthony, because he lives closer and he's sweeter and he really does love me, yeah i know what i did was wrong to Marty so i helped him out and meat him his new gf, she's just what he needs a sweet, kind hearted girl!! yeah i know, i really like Anthony alot, but i kind pissed him off today! yeah go me (sarcamem), i feel lost in this big world, we are getting married on sept 1st, dad doesn't agree with it well tuff shit. I will be 18 theres nothing he can do! anthony is stop smoking 4 me because he knows how much i hate it he promised on our love! so that means if i catch him smoking i know he doesn't really love me. which is fine because i know it's hard to quote smoking just like that. i really do like this one alot more then any!! i meat him on the somtime, it's been 11 days since i last wrote. been buzy i guess. i miss alot of my friends i don't have much girl friends anymore because i have deside not to have very many and alot of guy friends i onlky trust about 1 out of 20 of them. anthony lives at fort brag. he's in the army and i'm going into the army as soon as i lose 90 pounds i went to a recruter wenesday. he said all girls hast to be 149 pounds. guys can be 200 which is bull shit i found out the goverment is sexest!!! didn't shock me either. whats the point of being in school when u can't even get the grades u deserve, they just give u 70's if your fauiling even if your grades are lower that's bull shit i work hard to get all my A's why in the hell do they do that. JROTC still sucks like normal might be because i'm in charge of the suckiest company i tell them what to do and they don't lisen i wish that we could take there rank but ever since the new people we can't so that totally sucks!! it's like me and Anthony always says same shit diffrent day. i hate myself over alot of shit but after all said is done i find that i'm sweet,kind, and kinda shy.it's weird but that's who i am and what not there's alot of probelms in the world!! i'm now lising to "moonlight sonata" by beethoven. i feel sad, and depressed. Anthony's finly talking back to me!! yay lol, i gues he got lonely lol! *sighs* i have been stressed out more resently because of alot of things speically on my mind!! like love, if i should get married and what not!! just alot of things on my mind. marriage is a big step for even me!! Anthony says he wants to marrie me because:he says he loves me, that i'm the one for him, he never saw any point in livin till i met me, the reason he lives is to make sure i'm happy,as long as ur happy ill be happy, is what he said!!! heres the resen i told him:becase i love u, your personality, u make me feel like i don't need to hide myself, because you are smart, funny, cute even though u don't believe it, because your you what can i say i'm head over hills in love with u.end next! He calls me darlin all the time. and he says i'm perfect he's crazy. and he calls me beautful and sweet, and he likes the way i laugh! Laurens out with john today, sherry and katrinas mom and granmother came over to see them, dad is well being a pain in the butt about me getting married! well hafe to go anthonys talking my time and i need to pay attion to him! heres anthonys song! Rolling Stone - "U can't always get what u want, but if u try u might find u can get what u need" well cya love yeah all alot. oh 4 got to say i'm getting married in the mountains and he's going to wear a cowboy suilt i'm wearing a cowgurl dress, and it's just the way it is! well later love yeah bye
Amanda Archer/Treat

Current Mood: same shit diffrent day!
Current Music: "ALL I WANTED" BY AVRIL LAVIGNE

hey life
i meat somone that makes me happyer then the day when it comes, his name is Marty Lee Beaston Jr. he's sweet, genetel, a real babe he makes me happy, he's 24, he's everything i ever wanted, he sweeps me off my feet!! he told me today *sweeps u off ur feet and rides off into the sunset on his dark stallion* it was so so so cute! oh and then he comming to get me and then when we first meat he said he never seen such a beautful angel! he always says he loves me and i love him he comes down all the way from texas just to see me! well hafe to go talk to u later
love always
AManda

Current Mood: with my new life

sad news
i want to run away from this but i hafe to say it. Dereck died on saturday the second i found out today. heres the message! Hello. My name is Lisa and i'm Dereck's sister. On the 2nd of this month Dereck lost his battle with cancer. He fought long and hard, but ti was to much for him. If you would like to leave a message for him please feel free to. Thank you all for being his friend. LISA M. WRIGHT.

i want to die. i want to run away and pertend it's not happen. he was a great friend, he had his probelms but who doesn't. he wil never be forgotton.

back to me, todays been the worse day i almost missed my bus, got to school, and during 3rd in jrotc i had a nerouse break down i went in the supply room,i screamed so loud i was so whats the word mad and out of it i had to get away from my company! then i come home and find out my friend is dead! this day sucks ass. i mean for real my goodess! oh not to mitchen i sumitted some of my poems to this new place and the people there are so mean! i hate my life i have noone, last night was the worse to Robert said no to my qustion i asked him 4 days ago. ok i got to get away from the evil. i need to go back to the good side, i meat somone new, a new friend each day, morgan, james, and merlyn, richard, jon, that's about it! i'm to sad to write or think about anything else. well i'll write again one day maybe bye.

Current Mood: why u leave me here all alone!
Current Music: killer by monsell

howdy yall again
howdy yall, good morring, it's a great morring the sun is shining,and it's warm out side, and i'm feelin really great, robert harper woke me up at 7:32am today, i like when he calls me in the morring i seem to be good for the day when he does that it makes me have energy, he went to work at 8 this morring mom drove him and she went shoping. he said he can't wait till he gets his licens. he said that we got married i was like i'm not that dumb i know todays april fools. he said yeah your right then he told me he loved me and went to work!! that's whats brothers are for!! to all my friends and family who reads this i love you all and i hope you remember me for me not the way i am!! april fools everyone!! don't forget sunday to set back your clock!! why do people lie?? when the truths far more imporant. i think about more about life now. i was reading my life that i wrote a couple of years ago in 2003, i realized that i'm growing up and i'm becomming a women not a little girl anymore, i'm losing weight, i'm becomming who i'm going to be in my life!! i found out that i'm shy, and i'm ok with that. i have lived a life with great fortun, i would trade anything for my life. noone really would understand me. a old friend chris king my first boy friend in elementry school i sall him, he's still the same low life person he was in elementry, theres nothing that has changed for him. he droped out because he got in a fight because i guy was going to hit a girl and he hit the boy and he's 18 they gave him a choice to drop school or go to jail, i respect him for that. but i look back on those days and i realise that i don't remember them days, chris told me how brave i was and how people would pick on me and that he got supended for me, i wondered about those days, i can't remember much thats because i try to forget the worse days of my life. i think about alot more latly. me and mike schimdt, talk about god, and don't tell him this but i think he's starting to make me believe in him again, mike makes me feel safe. i mean i know theres alot of things in this world. i told somone once it's not what you think you are it's who you know you are because thinking is only a though and thoughs can be wrong!! it's 11:11am make a wish, that's what i do! i'm kl that way well anyways got to go oh can't wait to go to jacksonvill on saturday yay i'm going to have lots of fun well later
love Amanda

Current Mood: the suns shining on me
Current Music: calling all angels-radio version

what's going on?
whats going on with me?? i'm acting girly, i want to be pretty, oh shall i ever get over this, i'm supost to be the punk girl that's my life, i was never told i was pretty, for my mind or personaldy, everyone exspects me to be the mean cruel person, i have a heart, i love to love, i want to help, i hate liers, i hate people who hurt other people, i found out that alot of my friends, are not my friends there users till the end when u can't give anymore is when they ditch you. i loved, and cared, i'm tired, i'm to old to put up with this shit, yesterday i asked somone to marrie me, he said he would think about it. i call Dereck everyday and still no answer, i wonder if he's still you know, but yet my heart wonders to much, i worrie to much always, my real friends, help me and when i need them there for me. i think about alot, and worrie twice as much, i dream far to aften, and don't get far to much, i try to be who i am but i hide the real me from everyone, noone knows me know one could ever understand the only one that truly understanded me is dead, and that was you micheal allen tate. you left me here all alone, and all frighting, i was much diffrent back then, but i grew to hate the world, the world is horabel, i hate god, and i don't believe in him or the devil. i hate god for taking micheal, grandpa, grandma, and alot more of my close friends, and family. sometimes, i feel like i just want to end this horabel life of mine, i don't care if you people thinks it's a sin or not, this life is a living hell it is hell on earth, that's why noone understand anyone when you give your heart away to somone and then when you get it back it's broken, and smashed, noone understands me i'm shy, i'm me, when will my price charming finly sweep me off my feet. i looked in the mirro this morring and just looking at me telling myself this isen't me, what can i do with this. my lifes changing for the worse. i see everyone else and there lifes are moving but mine aren't!!! this is to Amber michelle told me last night that you were still pregneck but how is the posabel if the babys were valcomed out??? and then she lied about Robert and christal going back out to, so i was wondering if it was true!! are you ok?? i miss you alot. i wish that i you were still down here everyone misses you well i speak for myself. michelle and Robert tryed to gain up on me last night but i fliped the cards around it's all ok now. but anyways back to me and my own. i'm not being in other peoples buisness. i keep my own don't care about others buss!! i might be going to jesse shaws today. yay. that's if he gets off work early *crosses my fingers for good luck* :D but anyways, jesse doesn't understand that i'm a montist girl i don't like playing sex games, i like to cuddel and be sweet, not play truth or dare the way they do. but i like to hold hands, and be treated well, and i like to be held, and be told i love you more then once a day. and they should know the resen why to. because a girl/ guy should be curas. i mean i wonder why i'm living everyday, theres poor souls less forachentent then me and i wish they would be treated better, people have lost all self respect. they don't care about one another. princes has gone to high up on everything, it's like the old days this has happen when one store bought out all the others and then jacked there princes way up. here in the united states it's affuel with the pricess. don't get me wrong i love this great nation but they got to do somthing with these pricess. a loaf of bread is like 3 dollars. but effof about that i think about alot theres always somthing to do and look forward to but not much anymore. well anyways must be going have alot to do!!
love always
Amanda

Current Mood: nothing really ever new
Current Music: "reflection" by chirstina aguleria

howdy partners
long time no write so i thought i would. sundays or easter was ok i don't celeabrate it though. but that day i went to my good friends house jesse shaw, we desided not to be brother or sister anymore because we realize that we kiss each other to much, when i got there jesse was sleeping he was tired from watching his sisters two babys. so i came in there and alisa and josh was baby sitting while jesse slept, alisa opened the door, and i came in and sall jesse sleeping on the couch, so i went right in there and jumped right over him, he woke up and hugged me really tight. since we haven't seen each other in about a mouth, but it was great then tracy his sister finly came and picked up the new born since jarin belongs to jesses mom now. but anyways, we were playing around and cuddeling on the couch, then when tracy left we went to the store to get some frezze pops, we were locked in arms, and then we started holding hands like we always do when were together. then this guy was cheacking me out so i told jesse to kiss me, he did, then we went to the check out i payed for everything, and then we left. and went back home, and then us 4 played truth or dare, not getting into that. then we were all dancing me and josh on top of jesses bed and alisa and jesse were on the floor, dancing. alisa and josh are dating, josh and i didn't like the way they were dancing so we sat down on the bed and was talking. then everyone sit down on jesses bed, and josh was in my lap and i was playing with his hair. then i started to miss joel even more. then it was time for me to go home since my cufue was at 11pm. because dad had to work the next morring. lord i can't wait to turn 18, believe me everythings going to change after i turn 18 me and jesse are going clubing and we are going to have a blast. since derecks not talking to me anymore i guess i'm not going to cal. to go see him. i mean i miss him but maybe it's better off he don't talk to me, i mean there are thinks he don't know about me and im sure theres thinks i don't know about him, but anyways i had somwhat of a good time at jesses, i just won't ever play truth or dare with them 4 ever again. see i'm the cuddel, sweet, kind, careing, compashinet one. and there the sluts. jesse agreed with me about that omg. but anyways about yesterday monday i went to jacksonvill then to new bern. the hole totaly of 6 1/2 hours in the car going up and back. believe me i was tired. came home watched charm, checked my e-mail, then finly went to bed, couldn't sleep well, but that was ok because this morring Robert Harper he called and woke me up just to tell me he loves me. he was already up messing with the horses atlest he let me sleep till 8 this time. he's about the only one i talk on the phone with. i tryed calling jordan but he didn't answer, oh and he's back at the citadel he left monday. i hope he had a good birthday party. well i was talking to a long long time no see friend charles hansford russell, he called me silly because i said good morring dork he sayed he wasn't a dork. lol, my defintion of a dork is your weird. not a whales penus. :P but anyways hafe to get going i might be hanging out with jesse or a nother few friends today and if not i will on tursday well if jesse don't hafe to work. well later
love always
Amanda

Current Mood: awake but sleepy
Current Music: honey, i'm home by shina twain

howdy yall
howdy yall, i know kristal don't like me because of some people lieing about me, see unlike most of yall i know Robert harper but what yall don't understand is that i love him as a brother and nothing more, he's my little bro, he's younger then me but taller he's 6'3, i'm 5'7, i would do anything for him, and i do i help him and yesterday he finly helped me i was thinking about the past and Robert and I have changed so much see i was thinking about joel again, and he told me to tell him how i feel, and i did and now me and joel are talking about stuff, i know everybody trys to be better then me but to tell yall the honest to gods truth, noone will ever be better then me because i consider everyone equal, yet i find if you scartch a lie, you find a thief. lets see i have so many, i find if you talk to liers that you become one well it looks like i'm not going to be talking to michelle anytime soon, oh and michelle jennifer says that to and so does beth, and delinea, we find out alot of things by telling the truth. jordan pittmen,i just called him he wasn't home he's my other brother. i have several brothers, and a few sisters that's because i don't get along with girls all that much it might also be because 97% of girls are preps. and jordan you know how much i hate preps. lol, i also hate liers, and i hate people who say i love you and then leave you, don't you jordan?? i know you do that's what kim did and i want to hurt her for that. but i sall her at the military ball she can't look me stright in the eyes. she knows why to. well anyways, i went shoping for my boots but the mall didn't have them i hate the mall. i know what's going to happen but what clams me down is horse back riding. i love everyone i try to anyways, i try to be a real loving person i know at times i can be a bitch but you know what that's hardly ever, i stoped talking to all the ugly people well when i say ugly that means people that are mean, because if i stoped talking to all the ugly people i wouldn't have anybody to talk to j/k = just kidding. but anyways i hafe to get going so i can call Robert and help him with a probelm which means it's none of yalls buzzwaxes :P i'm evil lol, well later might write more later
love Amanda

Current Mood: tired of all the people lieing
Current Music: you won by keith urban

hey
hey everyone, i know it's been awhile since i write, so i'm going to write a long one for you today!! sorry Amber i wasn't reading the journals till today, yeah i know how it is and about everything, i'm so sick of this life as u can probelly tell from my poem what the point!! i made it just a few seconds ago off the top of my head and from inside my heart!! anyways i gave blood today i was # 52 donor, i got a red wrap up,i also got a sticker that says be nice to me i gave blood!! a little niddel was worth saving atlest 4 peoples lifes!! i have been having a ruff time all the time!! my company sucks they give me headues all the time i'm not alowed to write them up because of the new law!! and i can't give them push up's because it's agest the new code!! man this sucks, i'm tired. sleep as can be Lauren my sister says hey!! but anyways, i still haven't herd anything from dereck i'm beining to think he's dead, oh well he's in a better place, but yet i can't really say that because i never really liked that saying, because when mike died when i was 16, somone told me that and i told him so he wasn't good with me, i made that person shut the fuck up really fast, i'm a bit moddy no i'm not pms, i did that a week ago, i'm pretty when i'm not that though i don't get moody i just crave food, and sex alot. but must hold out on the sex part because i want to wait till i'm a wife so i can have that speical thing with my husben!! resently i have been craving somthing i haven't had in a long time, and it's a good thing, and that's to be held. i haven't been held since i was with Joel. well in person anyways. i want closeuer, i want to be held, to be kissed, i want to be with somone that would love me for me, and not want to change me, i want to be the one who finly gets ingaged, oh and by the way incase michelle derr reads this she's a toal lier she told everyone she was married to tom. lier. i'm not that dumb. nor that callabel. by the way u sent that to everyone on your list on yahoo about a mouth ago and i checked it out and i know your lieing. i don't like liers. nor do i like cheaters, might also be why i dump alot of guys because everybody things i'm nice well i'll show them nice. i have been in 3 fist fights at school, and i'm not scared to kick anyone's ass. i'm sick of being the nice girl and not the one with the true one. jordan was so right about alot of things. i try to be a caring person and when i am everybody takes me as an advangtage. and i'm sick of being used, a guy i dated only dated me because i act like a one of the guys so he thought it would be cool, well i be cool and dumt him. i'm not a bad person. i try to be nice and sweet and try to help others but when it comes to myself theres nothing i can do i fuck up my life to much. maybe i loved joel to much maybe that's why we broke up!! it hurts so much i miss him so much i miss the way his eyes would light up when i walked in the room, the way he would always smile at me to tell me he's happy, the way his little nose would purk when were out together, the way he would show me off to all his friends and the way he would kiss me just right everytime. it fauilt right everytime. i miss the way he told me he loved me, the way we played wifey and hubby.The way we would help each other, he didn't have a probelm with me being a witch. he tryed to help me out with everything he could, and i tryed to help him with everything i could. i teached him how to clean a house, a car, his room, how to save money, to be nice to people, don't let people use or walk all over him.we slept together doing nothign but sleeping. we trust each other more then anything we new we loved each other and at times we new we would get married because we were perfect togther.i miss his brown eyes fixed on my blue eyes. but his mom took that all away from me. then joel said we should break up because he's suck up his moms ass. it' hurts so much i have so much pain there were times i wanted him i wanted to give him my virgaintedy but i didn't!!! well i'm going to lye down i'm feeling a little light headed. so i'm bouncing later love yeah all!!
love Amanda

Current Mood: about my life!
Current Music: dawson's creek-tuck&paceys and joeys song

my poem whats the point!!
whats the point of living if everyday i wake up wishing to die, i seen to much in so little time, i sall my life wearther away with out me! i want to cry but yet again whats the point if theres noone there to wipe away my tears, i feel my heart beat like normal boom boom boom, yet it doesn't beat for any resen it's a fauil cause,i get pretty to look good, to feel good about myself but now theres no resen!! i see my life i see my death, i see them just the same, some people call me crazy, others call me smart,and wish they were me, but yet they don't know the sadness of my heart and of my love. I use to love unwillingly but now i don't love i hate,and i hate to love, i have been hurt for far to long. i fell hard, i fell deep, in the most greatest love in the world, then one day it wasn't goodenoff he left me for another now i'm sad, cold hearted, and dead to the world, i'm not the soft sweet loving person i use to be!!! what's the point anymore your just going to get hurt once again!! till you find the magic.

Current Mood: tired of this life!
Current Music: soon as my heart breaks by taylor dayne