Current mood:	nothing really ever new
Current music:	"reflection" by chirstina aguleria

what's going on?
whats going on with me?? i'm acting girly, i want to be pretty, oh shall i ever get over this, i'm supost to be the punk girl that's my life, i was never told i was pretty, for my mind or personaldy, everyone exspects me to be the mean cruel person, i have a heart, i love to love, i want to help, i hate liers, i hate people who hurt other people, i found out that alot of my friends, are not my friends there users till the end when u can't give anymore is when they ditch you. i loved, and cared, i'm tired, i'm to old to put up with this shit, yesterday i asked somone to marrie me, he said he would think about it. i call Dereck everyday and still no answer, i wonder if he's still you know, but yet my heart wonders to much, i worrie to much always, my real friends, help me and when i need them there for me. i think about alot, and worrie twice as much, i dream far to aften, and don't get far to much, i try to be who i am but i hide the real me from everyone, noone knows me know one could ever understand the only one that truly understanded me is dead, and that was you micheal allen tate. you left me here all alone, and all frighting, i was much diffrent back then, but i grew to hate the world, the world is horabel, i hate god, and i don't believe in him or the devil. i hate god for taking micheal, grandpa, grandma, and alot more of my close friends, and family. sometimes, i feel like i just want to end this horabel life of mine, i don't care if you people thinks it's a sin or not, this life is a living hell it is hell on earth, that's why noone understand anyone when you give your heart away to somone and then when you get it back it's broken, and smashed, noone understands me i'm shy, i'm me, when will my price charming finly sweep me off my feet. i looked in the mirro this morring and just looking at me telling myself this isen't me, what can i do with this. my lifes changing for the worse. i see everyone else and there lifes are moving but mine aren't!!! this is to Amber michelle told me last night that you were still pregneck but how is the posabel if the babys were valcomed out??? and then she lied about Robert and christal going back out to, so i was wondering if it was true!! are you ok?? i miss you alot. i wish that i you were still down here everyone misses you well i speak for myself. michelle and Robert tryed to gain up on me last night but i fliped the cards around it's all ok now. but anyways back to me and my own. i'm not being in other peoples buisness. i keep my own don't care about others buss!! i might be going to jesse shaws today. yay. that's if he gets off work early *crosses my fingers for good luck* :D but anyways, jesse doesn't understand that i'm a montist girl i don't like playing sex games, i like to cuddel and be sweet, not play truth or dare the way they do. but i like to hold hands, and be treated well, and i like to be held, and be told i love you more then once a day. and they should know the resen why to. because a girl/ guy should be curas. i mean i wonder why i'm living everyday, theres poor souls less forachentent then me and i wish they would be treated better, people have lost all self respect. they don't care about one another. princes has gone to high up on everything, it's like the old days this has happen when one store bought out all the others and then jacked there princes way up. here in the united states it's affuel with the pricess. don't get me wrong i love this great nation but they got to do somthing with these pricess. a loaf of bread is like 3 dollars. but effof about that i think about alot theres always somthing to do and look forward to but not much anymore. well anyways must be going have alot to do!!
love always
Amanda